Friday, March 4, 2011

Review: Sharktopus

Yes, you heard me, SHARKTOPUS!  Already you have this feeling that this is bad. Like Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus before it, this film has the best of both worlds.  A government program to create the "ultimate" killing machine goes wrong and the American coastline is terrorized by Sharktopus. 50% Shark, 50% Octopus 100% deadly says the tag line, however the 90min (all my films seem to be 90min) of hilarity and shambles is the scary part. 

Having one name actor does not a film make. Eric Roberts deserves better, however he needs to do better too. Going from straight laced to unhinged in 30min is not an Oscar performance. On the other hand having a good script and actors to bounce off would've helped. The story is held together loosely by cut scenes of holiday makers getting mauled by said beast, these scenes are set up like an episode of Casualty.

A couple bungee jumping over the sea...., two jocks causing a ruckus on jet skis....., A woman with a metal detector on a beach....., yes you guessed it all these end up in Sharktopus getting fed. I have to note that these parts of the film have the oddest music, think a Benny Hill sexy party, add to this that the intro to the movie looks like stock footage from a travel agents promo video, you get the feeling that this was very cut and paste.

So the actors read their lines of boards, and overact to the point of explosion. The camera work is horrific, surely you don't pan away after you've seen a mauling to add suspense, you do it before so the mind fills in the blanks. Rich Morgan: On Film is in all good bookshops now. And the storyline is pitiful. That leaves us with one possible saving grace, SHARKTOPUS. Now the design is great, front end shark, back end octopus, beak an' all. However spending all your money on Eric Roberts probably wasn't the greatest idea. 

The beast looks like it came from a video game, no detail etc and they put great big close ups of the damned thing in the movie. Bullets ricochet of the it and despite having at least two tentacles being cut off, it never seems to get hurt. Anyone who gets attacked is instantly turned into an avatar, usually the same one regardless of who they were originally. And any film that has people mindlessly tapping at a laptop then saying "I've gotten us in" has a star deducted. 

If any of you have a dinner party to go to and the theme is bring worst movie ever, put down Howard The Duck and take this, however spare a thought that it might want to be a terrible terrible film.

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