Monday, March 21, 2011

Review: Primevil


Let me just start this off by giving you some background on this "Movie".  In 2009 a film called After Dusk They Come was made and released. This then became The Forgotten Ones, I think these two are the same movie but I can't be sure. Now, the crew on this movie must've thought crikey!  What a bad film we've made, so they went and remade it as The Lost Tribe.  And tonight I've just sat through the film Primevil apparently it's the same as The Lost Tribe but under a different name. Confused?  You bloody well should be, I have no idea what the hell is going on with the story behind this film, IMDB has two very different trailers for these films, and they even have different actors, crew and possibly director.  Christ, in Primevil, Irvin 'I made Empire Strikes Back didn't you know' Kirshner is credited as a producer and has a cameo.  All that aside what's the film like I hear you cry!
Balls, utter utter balls.  I know I slate all the movies I've had so far but this one takes the biscuit.  A lost civilization credited as being the missing link is discovered in South America by archeologists.  Shady government types are employed by the church, as the missing link will certainly disprove their good book, so they go and take care of business, Lance Henriksen heads up the mercinaries that have been tasked with the eliminating all proof.  And this is the first 10 minutes of the film. 


After this we follow a completely different set of characters that only very tenuously link with the first. Laugh, I probably could have. Henriksen may as well not been in the film, he has about 5 lines and adds nothing more to the movie other than it might entice people to watch it 'cos that's the dude from Aliens yeah?' After we see the other story in the film unfold, a group of good looking city types on a yacht pick up a man adrift, everything goes the shape of a pear and they get stranded on the same island as the "Forgotten After Dusk Primevil Lost Tribe" and start to get picked off one by one. 


Picked off I may add, not in the "Truly Terrifying" way that the quote on the cover states, as when you see the beasts for the first time you're reminded of the cowardly lion from The Wizard Of Oz.  All this goes out the window when we're informed that the beasties have heat vision.  Just so I've got this right the filmakers want us to buy into the notion that left to our own devices we'd get some pretty kick ass heat vision eyes going on. SWEET! There are other nods to Predator, look!  Mud will block heat vision, all the beasties have dreads and the shot for shot prat fall down a slope into the river scene.  Yes this is a bad movie, with bad acting and a bad script and a potty storyline. 


On the other hand this is the remake, this is the one they thought was better.  How bad was the original? Why did a woman snog a man to death?  What was Irvin Kershner thinking?  And what happened to the scene on the DVD sleeve? I t had guns and the military in, It's not in the film!  This is not the sexual tyrannosaurus that it wants to be.

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